LEADERSHIP IDEA—June 2008
By Jan Wright, State Girls Clubs Coordinator, Virginia

TRAPPED IN THE MIRROR

MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL
Okay, let’s face the fact—we have a love/hate relationship with the mirror.  We pass one and have this compulsion to check ourselves; however, we don’t often like what we see.  We’ve tried the new makeup, hairstyle, and latest fashion trend in the attempt to approve of our reflection.  The angst we feel in this ambivalence is a constant struggle.  Where do these feelings of inferiority come from?  What makes me so critical of my appearance?  Can I ever overcome these feelings?  I am trapped between my desire to accept and like what I see and my wish to be free of the feelings of not measuring up.

80% of women are dissatisfied with their appearance.
(Taken from the University of Colorado Wellness Center web site)

Why does it seem my identity and self-worth are teetering between what I see and what I really am?  How can I look in the mirror and be content—dare I say—even happy with what I see?  The answers to these questions could take us a lifetime to uncover, but it’s a journey we must take.  If we don’t, we remain trapped in the mirror—alone and ashamed of what we see.

REAL OR IDEAL
Deep inside we know that putting too much emphasis on our physical appearance is futile, but our culture is shouting very loudly about what is and should be considered acceptable and beautiful.  We foolishly buy into the flawed philosophy that changing the outside will change the inside.  While most adult women will acknowledge some level of pressure in this area, imagine being an adolescent who is trying to understand her changing body and emotions and attention from boys, all the while grappling with the images she is saturated with daily.

42% of elementary school girls between 1st and 3rd grades want to be thinner.
(Taken from the University of Colorado Wellness Center web site)

While struggling with body image can be a normal part of growing up for young girls, this is further convoluted by the pervasive cultural attitude toward women’s appearance and what is considered “normal” and even “beautiful.”  In one survey young girls said they were more afraid of becoming fat than of nuclear war, cancer, or losing their parents.  While this sounds extreme, it is not rare, and we must understand that while this excessive societal pressure takes a toll on women, it is especially damaging to a developing adolescent.

The average woman in the United States is 5’4” and weighs 140 pounds; the average model is 5’11” and weighs 117 pounds.
(Taken from Central Michigan University RA/MA Resource Center)

Psychologists, educators, and youth professionals will all tell you positive body image is critical to staving off early sexuality, eating disorders, substance abuse, depression, low self-esteem, unhealthy dieting, and poor social and interpersonal skills (Flinders University).

We owe it to ourselves, our biological daughters and our daughters of faith to acknowledge and address this difficult matter with confidence and purpose.

As leaders we have influence.  People are watching us, learning from us, and even emulating us.  This is an immense responsibility.  It is more gripping when you think of the young women who are watching and wondering, taking in our attitudes and outlook.  We bear a great responsibility to address our own issues, and in doing so, it empowers us to tackle the difficult struggles our girls and young women are inundated with daily.  Leaders understand that addressing the spiritual part of a young women’s life is essential and foundational, but it is just the beginning.  We as women must also address her emotional and physical journey to become the woman God intended her to be.  We simply can’t do that if we have haven’t packed our bags and made the journey ourselves.

CHURCH BUBBLE
While these issues are all encompassing in the culture at large, they are sitting beside us in the pew.  The church has mistakenly believed for years that our girls are untouched by these attitudes.  It is sometimes easier for us to believe that they are somehow insulated from the pressure than to face that we don’t know what to do about it.  However, they are not only experiencing it, but the pressure is greater than that of their mother’s generation.  We must wake up, look our girls in the eye and talk to them about who they are and what they are becoming.  Why is this conversation only in the public or secular arena?  When will the church decide to talk to her young women about such an important issue?

This is uncomfortable because many of us are still unsure ourselves.  So we are left with a dilemma.  Do we hide in our insecurity and pretend we don’t have these feelings, or own our struggle and be honest about it?  I believe there is incredible power in having dialogue about this.  We learn we are not alone, we can have hope, and we can love what God created in us.

You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body, you know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something.  Like an open book you watched me grow from conception to birth, all the stages of my life were spread out before you.  The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day (Psalms 139:15-16, The Message).

WOULD THE REAL ME PLEASE STAND UP
At the core of all of this is the fact that we’ve been sold a bill of goods.  And we bought it readily, in spite of the truth of God’s words about who we really are.

Among women over 18 looking at themselves in the mirror, research indicates that at least 80% are unhappy with what they see.  Many will not even be seeing an accurate reflection.
(Social Issues Research Center-sirc.org)

The current standard of beauty is only attainable by 5% of women.  This illustrates why we have come to believe that our appearance makes us successful, content, and confident.  If this were the case, we wouldn’t be having this discussion.  Anyone with enough money could buy confidence or happiness.  Our outward appearance is simply evidence of what we are underneath.  We all want to look our best, but wrinkle-free skin does little to cultivate lasting relationships, designer clothes won’t bring you security, and achieving a certain weight will NOT bring you lasting contentment or character.  So we are left with that reflection in the mirror…what do we do with it?  We simply accept what is.  In reality we can change very little in this life, except our mind, attitude, faith, and actions.  When these change for the better, we will start liking what we see.

Every one of us has something we consider to be not okay or to be a deformity.  We can consider ourselves deformed or we can see ourselves as special.  And that choice will determine how we live our lives.
—Carol Price

The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love:  therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee
(Jeremiah 31:3, KJV).

Site by WinWorld