Specialized Ministry — July 2005

Colene Mercer

The Ministry of Support Groups

By Colene Rose Mercer, Founder of C.O.P.E. Support Group

I am a fourteen-year cancer survivor. When diagnosed with cancer in 1991, I wanted closure to that chapter of my life as quickly as possible. The prayers of family members and friends, surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation all made their contribution to my survival, as well as the inherent will of my mother and God’s amazing grace.

In July, 1992 while sitting in the waiting room of my oncologist, once again I observed the anxiousness of those seated around me. Emotions seemed high and the questions were beyond answers, even for the doctors. The other patients around me did not have to say one word to me because I knew what was going on in their heads; I was on the same journey. I thought, "How can I help these around me to find the peace that I have found?”

Psalms 91 had given me a peace and assurance that this journey was only temporary and that He would be with me, if I would trust Him ". . . He is my refuge and my fortress; my God, in Him I will trust” (Psalms 91:2, NKJV).

The word, "SUPPORT” came into my spirit:

S – Shock — The "C” word – death sentence
U – Understanding — There is life after cancer
P – Pain — Is a temporary feeling
P – Prayer — Greatest weapon for fear
O – Obstacles — A journey that we do not choose
R – Rebuild — Where do I start?
T – Treatment tips — Learn coping skills.

A support group . . . where do I begin? After several months of working with a steering committee, the first C.O.P.E. (Christ Offering Peace and Encouragement) support group meeting took place on May 11, 1993. C.O.P.E. meets on the 4 th Tuesday of every month at a local hospital in Cleveland, Tennessee. The doctors, educators, counselors, leaders in the Christian community have all been very gracious to accept invitations to speak for C.O.P.E. We always have time for first-time survivors to ask questions. Listening to the concerns and questions of "first-timers” offers members opportunities to reassure them that what they are experiencing are "common healing pains.” This time of sharing always seems to give them a sense of relief and reduce their anxieties.

Whether you are facing single parenthood, the despair of a terminally ill family member, an addiction, loss of a loved one or a health crisis, the process for survival is the same.

The past fourteen years of survival have not excluded struggles, but I came to embrace a survivor’s philosophy. It is: The best way to help yourself through any struggle is to get outside yourself! Start a support group to help those struggling around you. Help them become a survivor rather than a victim. You can do it!

I have compiled a booklet from several sources to provide others with suggestions for developing a support group. I would be happy to share this information upon request. Please forward your e-mail address along with your request to: cmercer@churchofgod.cc.

LISTEN

WHEN I ASK YOU TO LISTEN TO ME

AND YOU START GIVING ADVICE
YOU HAVE NOT DONE WHAT I ASKED.

WHEN I ASK YOU TO LISTEN TO ME

AND YOU BEGIN TO TELL ME WHY I SHOULDN’T FEEL THAT WAY,
YOU ARE TRAMPLING ON MY FEELINGS.

WHEN I ASK YOU TO LISTEN TO ME

AND YOU FEEL YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING TO SOLVE MY PROBLEM,
YOU HAVE FAILED ME, STRANGE AS THAT MAY SEEM.

LISTEN! ALL I ASKED, THAT YOU LISTEN,

NOT TALK OR DO—JUST HEAR ME.

ADVICE IS CHEAP:

A SMALL FEE WILL GET YOU FREE ADVICE IN THE LOCAL NEWSPAPER.

AND I CAN DO FOR MYSELF; I’M NOT HELPLESS.

MAYBE DISCOURAGED AND FALTERING, BUT NOT HELPLESS.

WHEN YOU DO SOMETHING FOR ME THAT I CAN AND NEED TO DO FOR MYSELF,

YOU CONTRIBUTE TO MY FEAR AND WEAKNESS.

BUT, WHEN YOU ACCEPT AS A SIMPLE FACT THAT I DO FEEL WHAT I FEEL,

NO MATTER HOW IRRATIONAL,
THEN I CAN QUIT TRYING TO CONVINCE YOU AND CAN GO ABOUT THE BUSINESS OF
UNDERSTANDING WHAT’S BEHIND THIS IRRATIONAL FEELING.

AND WHEN THAT’S CLEAR, THE ANSWERS BECOME CLEARER AND I DON’T NEED ADVICE.

SO, PLEASE LISTEN AND JUST HEAR ME. AND, IF YOU WANT TO TALK,

WAIT A MINUTE FOR YOUR TURN; AND I’LL LISTEN TO YOU.

ANONYMOUS
(MODIFIED)

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